therapy thru memes (11.1.16)

we can be friends


once i stop dreaming of you

panzermadels 4/2/16

i'm wiping my tears away with a wet washcloth. i don't know which is which
maybe if i scratch them hard enough they'll stop working
i'm lonely again.

i guess you never said
 
forever

i like it when it hurts
how to make you want me, again

don't touch me, don't even think about touching me (i know what youre thinking i can hear it and i hate it and i dont want it to be this way) (im not a toy) (please dont play with me please keep your distance)

when the water keeps draining and draining and draining  and it's not as good as you wanted it to be, as you expected it to be, but you settle anyway and lay down for a minute and relax but then you realize it's draining even more and there's no way you can fix it, you can stop it

maybe it's not the right time, maybe it'll

never
be the right time, i keep blaming myself but there's nothing i could have done differently i couldn't have fixed it maybe i was stupid maybe i should've realized what i was getting into but for a minute there it felt warm it felt like it what was i needed it was so warm

caught between feeling too little and feeling too much im leaning my head against the dirty wall there's no one there's no one left and i don't know what i want [to do] don't know what i can [do now]

it's all her fault it's not you it's not me it's her  im sick im nauseous im dizzy im draining

i wish i could've died before i met you

Makeup Reviews (throughout my life)

Eyeliner:

Claire's Liquid Eyeliner ☆☆/☆☆☆☆☆

Baby's first eyeliner. Probably would've worked better if I'd known how to use it, but still -- shallow, dries quickly. However, the brush, if I recall correctly, is pretty easy to get used to.

Elf Liquid Eyeliner ☆☆/☆☆☆☆☆

It's cheap, and you can tell. This being said, I've seen it compared to Wet 'n Wild's ever-reliable (well, not anymore, they fucking changed it) liquid liner. To each their own, but to me, just like the Claire's type: it was dry, flaky. The brush, again, is nice.

Wet 'n Wild Liquid Eyeliner (Then) ☆☆☆☆/☆☆☆☆☆

My life and my soul -- not too matte, not too shiny. Smooth, with an accessible brush. Not messy, but not flaky and dry. I only rated it 4 stars because they discontinued it. And like that, my life was ruined. There's no point in even reviewing this one, don't get your hopes up. You'll never find a quality eyeliner for less than $20 ever, ever again. 

Wet 'n Wild Liquid Eyeliner (Now) ☆☆/☆☆☆☆☆

A low quality picture for a low quality product. The brush is not that much different, but enough that it's not great for lovers of the past product. Goes on bumpy, comes off flaky. I use the dark brown for the end of my eyebrows. That's about it. 

Essence Liquid Eyeliner ☆☆☆/☆☆☆☆☆

For this eyeliner, the brush is really difficult -- so I dip my old Wet 'n Wild brush in and cry for a minute before applying this eyeliner. I rated it 3 stars despite the brush quality, considering my own inability to apply eyeliner I'm not used to and that Essence is pretty good. Like my old favorite, this eyeliner is matte (but not too matte) and normally not too flaky. Upon further research, it appears that Essence has an eyeliner with a better brush that I'm gonna be excited to use. If it still exists.

Palettes:

Coming Soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

i love u i love u ilove u

You have a poetic sensibility and an ability to see beyond the day to day. You often seem to be living in a higher realm, or to be not-of-this-earth. Occasionally you imagine interior lives for friends and associates that are near-complete fabrications based on your fears or hopes for the future. You are often not aware of your own feelings. You have a strong sense of right and wrong, and because of this are often disappointed. Despite what can sometimes be a destructive inward-turning anger, you are very gentle. You are sometimes a bit out of touch with the ebb and flow of modern life. If your behavior is out of synch with your moral values, a severe psychic disturbance can result. Because connectivity is so important to you, you can become quiet and sulky if you feel that others around do not understand your point of view.

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September 24, 1996

I love to watch a dick slamming in and out of a cunt or an asshole. The only way T.V. could enhance Wendy’s is if it was confined to a showing non-stop hardcore pornography without sound. No ridiculous assertion of plot or personality. Just the real pleasure of lacking language. Just a reassuring view of the signifier itself and it finds its way to its ancient hiding place in broad daylight.

--

u really love me

it makes u feel excited, even if its never

the way it seems

we are going to get out

Be With Me, 2005

Your Existing Situation Is pretty laid-back and is able to act calm in almost any situation. she enjoys feeling relaxed and to be in the company of her friends and family. Your Stress Sources "Needs to meet people who have the same high principals and values as himself, but finds the need unfulfilled. her need to feel dominate and superior leaves her feeling isolated and does not allow for her to give freely of himself. she would like to surrender and let go, but sees that as a weakness she must not give in to. Holding back will allow her to stand out for the crowd and earn a higher status, recognized by others as unique and important." Your Restrained Characteristics Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation. "Believes her hopes and dreams are realistic, but needs reassurance from others. Has strict standards when looking for a partner and wants guarantees that she will not be disappointed or lose." Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation. Your Desired Objective "Always trying to make a good impression on others, and is constantly watching to see if she is succeeding in this. Is interested in how others react to him; this makes her feel in control. Strategically plans out ways to gain further influence over others and special recognition. Is easily distracted by the pleasingly beautiful and original." Your Actual Problem "Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."

sext to an alien

i want u to rip off my skin and play with it like play-doh and take out my right eye switch it with urs; i wanna see what u see. it's better when u don't say anything. paint roses with my blood on the walls - rip out my teeth and make jewelry. ARE U GOOD? ARE UOK? stop!! don't go back.. take me with u

manic bi-monthly newsletter

hey everybody, it's me again. still dead inside - always
what did i think i was missing?
waste of time, waste of space
do you like me? is that what i want?
pills pills pillssssssssss
the truth feels ok, for a little while
can we run away? is it real out there?
i'm dreaming,im dreaming
go back to bed



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nihilism as a coping method

i pick at a scab on my face while thinking of you. it’s giving me a pain in my stomach that is on the verge of being more than uncomfortable. i don’t know why you’re so scared of everything. nothing matters anyway!! at all!!!!! my shoes are comfortable but my leg is sore from sitting the same way for forty-four minutes. i want to go home and lie down and drink soda. i’ve been drinking [enough] water for the past week or so and my skin’s just getting worse. i didn’t even notice it but then i was messing around with my bangs and then i saw my forehead and it looked like a tiny pepperoni pizza. i don’t even like pepperoni pizza. ok, it’s alright, but it’s not my favorite, i guess. you won’t text me back now. i wish i couldn’t pinpoint the exact time that i morphed right back into the insecure compulsive liar i was when i was twelve. i stopped being a compulsive liar because i wanted to complain more. complaining isn’t as fun as i thought it would be. it seems to drive people away and it gets old after a few years. it’s sunny outside and i wish i’d worn a skirt, but if i did i’d be pulling up my socks every two minutes. maybe i’ll change when i get home. there isn’t any logic to that but i’ll probably do it anyway. i’m already starting to despise myself for it so i hope i’ll resist the urge. maybe i should just start checking the damn weather. i’m hesitant to because i think, “what makes you think you know what the weather’s gonna be like!!! who do you think you are!!!!!!” maybe i’m just jealous of the weather-people. i don’t know how to get that job. obviously you don’t have to be attractive or have a good haircut from what i’ve seen, but you probably have to shower everyday. and wear pencil skirts. and either wear skin-colored pantyhose or shave your legs everyday during your daily shower. i don’t want to shower everyday. i don’t even want to shower every year. what a waste of time! why create human bodies to get all gross and dirty so quickly? i can’t lie my way out of this anymore and i don’t know how to hide. i feel like my personality relies on me having several boyfriends in their mid-20s. i don’t know where i’ll be without them! i don’t know who i am!!!!!!!! i don’t know!!!!! i feel like i’m in a cold sweat after waking up from a nightmare. i feel like i’m asleep but now that i think about it it makes me feel weird ‘cause when you’re dreaming you don’t really know it and it’s your reality right then but then you wake up and it’s so unreal and you can’t picture it like you can picture a real memory!!! i have a bad memory so i can’t do that anyway. how vivid is a dream… in a way dreaming is just another world, another life maybe the dream me sleeps during the day and dreams of going to school and doing mundane things and being sad all the time -- i hope not, cus that’d be really sad for her, but at least during her real life she gets to have fun. what do you even do to treat nightmares? maybe she can do that and we can both be happier! i feel like choking up like you do before you cry but i made a new year’s resolution to not cry but that’s stupid i’m stupid and it should’ve been to cry more, maybe into my water bottles to give them a little more flavor because they’re so fucking bland as it is… just like my life! kill me! i want to live in a dream! if i had ambien right now i wouldn’t be conscious anymore